Change is Death: Releasing Who You Aren’t Anymore

Happy Full Moon! I’ve got a special blog on Patreon today, here’s the first section. If you like my writing and want to see more of it and support my work, you can do so here.


“By giving me your gaze, you will finally understand that it is a miracle to be alive.” – The Nameless Arcanum, The Way of the Tarot, Alejandro Jodorowsky & Marianne Costa

The best and most profound changes you will make in your life may feel like you’re dying — like you’re getting absolutely yeeted off a cliff. This is a good thing, because as Terence said, “the abyss is a featherbed.”

In order to embrace actual change, you have to let the old patterns die.

It will feel risky, uncertain, alien, reckless. It should. I was conditioned – by culture, by old patterns, passed down through generations – to believe that expected, frequent pain, betrayal, and hurt was the trade I made for stability, and that stability was the only thing between me and the howling unknown of total obliteration.

This was a psychic bait-and-switch: the howling unknown is where you go to find out what you’re really made of, and intentionally, heartfully, create yourself.

Out there, somewhere, in the void, exist the raw materials to construct and order something you truly desire and deserve: A whole self.

Current OS of Cara embraces symbolic death, but in like, a happy way

Modern Culture is A Prison

In the modern world, you cannot, and will not, discover all that you could really be, without going through some kind of devastation, some kind of surrender into this unknown.

This is because the collective agreement of modern culture is made up, most of its values a competing nest of vipers. The best values the modern world offers aren’t modern at all, I think they’re older than history: true love, abundance, and real freedom.

The modern tangle of culture creates an absolutely devastating mental prison, that seems so intertwined with our internal landscape, that we do not notice it. It is a prison so effective, that it convinces you that suffering, chronic fear and anxiety, and dread are the fundamental hallmarks of human experience, rather than love, joy, and connection. Modern Culture sees the latter as an occasional accident that hurts the bottom line.

How I am using “modern culture” here can and should get its own essay at some point. I do not mean to say that everything modern is terrible and if we just destroyed all our technology we would all live in infinite bliss like the good ol’ days (any good old days I’d be interested in experiencing are much older than the last five hundreds years or so) but for now, it can be boiled down thusly…

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