You want to change your life, but can you change one habit?
Lofty goals and ambitions are inspiring, but they can be confusing and even demotivating if we don’t have the tools to achieve them. It’s great to aim high, but if you’re not investing in learning and mastering the small steps, you may find yourself frustrated and going nowhere.
For example, if you decided you wanted to get more involved in your local political scene, wouldn’t it make sense to introduce yourself to your neighbors, or take a public speaking class? Those may sound like small actions, but they are ACTIONABLE (they are something you can do) and relate directly to the main goal of running for office.
So if your goal is to get bigger shoulders, or more muscle definition, you need to choose actionable goals, that will carry over to your big goals. For changing your physical aesthetics, it may be something simple and hard like going to bed early enough to get 7-8 hours of sleep consistently. Can you do that for 2 weeks? Great. Now can you add a serving of vegetables to every meal? Awesome. Now can you increase your gym frequency from 2 to 3 days? Fantastic. You are making small, action based changes that contribute back to your long term goal of getting in better shape.
Many of us were taught to dream big, but never learned how to think consistency. This is hard, and it looks like simple, unglamorous, daily work. Almost everything worthwhile I have ever done was the product of simple, relatively uncomplicated, CONSISTENT time put in.
If you want to change your life, pick simple tasks, and master them, show up for them. And every time you achieve consistency with one skill, reward yourself by picking up a new one. Some of these skills you can try to learn simultaneously (increasing gym frequency and veggie intake, for example), but beware the temporary gratification of doing fifty new things at once – you’ll feel like a new person for a few days, maybe longer, but change IS HARD, and if we take on too much at once, the temptation to abandon it all when we start to burn out can be overwhelming.
Start slow, and take it daily. Every day counts, every day you do something for yourself by building discipline will add positively to your life.
Let the simple actions guide you to your greatest potential. They will.
“Listen like you are an animal in the forest,”
Steve was my first year acting workshop teacher, specifying in a practice called “Meisner,” based on the theories and exercises created by Sanford Meisner. Without getting bogged down in actor lingo, I’ll try to describe parts of the Meisner method and how it ended up translating into practical techniques in athletics and fitness years later.
“Listen like you are an animal in the forest,”
What image springs to mind for you? A rabbit, a big cat? Eyes wide, ears twitching, breath shallow and excited? Electrically still, ready to pounce? Steve used these images to describe something called “ACTIVE LISTENING,” which simply meant that you, the actor, were really paying attention to what your scene partner was doing.
Active listening would also be a great way to describe some forms of meditation – focusing so intently on the present that your mind clears and you are able to react to what is presented to you.
The point of this as an acting exercise was to enable the actors to respond truthfully to each other, and without preconceived notions of what the other person would do, or what “should” happen in the scene.
How many times have you cut someone off mid sentence because you thought you know what they were going to say or ask? Has that approach ever really helped grow a relationship, professional or personal? In my experience, not usually.
The way that we practiced and warmed up in Meisner class was with an acting exercise were we made a simple factual observation about our scene partner, and they would repeat it to us – “you’re wearing a blue shirt,” “I’m wearing a blue shirt,” and back and forth, letting the words change as our reactions naturally changed based off of the other person’s being and reactions. The idea was to let the words change, but not TRY to change them – we were trying to access honest reactions by truly paying attention to what was going on with our scene partner, and letting our responses organically grow from that interaction.
This is something I have been trying to practice in my coaching lately – not literally repeating the words that my trainee says, but renewing my attention constantly to how they are moving and what are they doing – actively listening with my ears and eyes and attention. By treating every moment with them as if I’m seeing their movement for first the time, I will allow myself to stay fresh in how I view their progress – I never want to get too comfortable and let them go through the motions. I need to be as present as I want them to be.
This idea of total present-ness helps me as an athlete too. In my warm ups I can practice this attention giving with myself – am I feeling my feet on the floor? Am I connected to my breath? Have I checked with my body, really?
“The text is your greatest enemy.” – Sanford Meisner
Meisner warned against getting mired in what the script says – it can chain the actor to preconceived notions of what “should” be happening, rather than allowing honest emotion to guide the play.
It’s easy to get attached to what you think your clients feel and want, rather than what they actually feel and want. It’s easy to get attached to what you “should” be able to do, rather than honoring what you can do in that moment (Ever say “that squat should have felt easier, it’s only 75%,” or,”that should have been faster/more explosive/etc”? Those critiques often mire us down in the numbers rather than focusing on making our performance the best that it can be that day).
It’s been my experience that the ability to listen is one of the most underrated skills you can have, and what I mean when I say “listen,” is this full body moment-to-moment awareness of the trainee and of yourself. We will not achieve that 100% of the time, and we don’t have to. But if we strive to, we will improve our abilities (this type of mindfulness carries over to many if not most areas of life, in my experience).
This listening is literal. The best, most effective workouts in the world won’t matter if your trainee feels ignored and lacking validation of their efforts and concerns. Coaches are supposed to be there in a supportive and guiding capacity, and while it is our job to make the hard decisions about the program, progress, etc, if we do that while ignoring our client’s feelings and perceptions, we may find ourselves losing trainees and not understanding why. We may lose our own focus and perspective of our progress if we are not actively listening to ourselves week to week and month to month as athletes. Are we talking about progress with our coaches? Are we journaling or noting or tracking how different workouts effect us or describing and paying attention to other important variables like diet and sleep?
My experiences in talk therapy were invaluable to helping me grow this understanding of the importance of listening – my memories of therapy are fairly vague, but I overwhelmingly remember the RELIEF I felt at finally have a place to unburden myself without fear of judgement or social reprisal. And now looking back at my acting school experience, I realize that what the Meisner technique explored was in fact a practical means of accessing mindfulness and awareness of the people we work with, and giving them that potentially healing attention, as well as giving it to ourselves.
While coaches are not therapists, we do have a similar obligation to our clients to create a place for them to open up, explore and grow, and we won’t know how to do that without listening to them attentively. Listen to your clients, your colleagues, your partner, your friends – with your whole head and body and heart. It may be exactly what they need, and maybe what you need too.
I’m at a point now where lifting feels like a relatively simple and routine part of my life. But lo, it was not always so! I like to remind myself that the great stuff sometimes didn’t feel great until I had given it time – learning something new is often accompanied by the growing pains of discomfort and uncertainty.
When I think back on my earliest ventures into the weight room (all of about 4 years ago; I’m still a newb in many ways), I don’t wish I had done anything differently (wishing is a waste), but there certainly a few things that would have been good to know that I took a while to get wise to.
Here are my top lessons on being a newb.
ASK QUESTIONS AND REMEMBER IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW SHIT
I am very shy about asking questions. I’m someone who would prefer to ask Google and parse through information myself, trying to find answers. I don’t like looking like I don’t know things (insider secret: most people don’t like looking like they don’t know things).
That fear of looking ignorant, even when I WAS ignorant, led me to ignore the brains of some very bright experts when I was around them. I missed opportunities because I was too shy and self-conscious to ask questions they would have gladly helped me with.
I try to ask a lot more these days, though it’s still something I’m working on. That’s scary, because what if someone mocks you? Well, then you’ve learned an important lesson: that person sucks. Embrace your ignorance and learn from it, but don’t think for a second that you have to let anyone condescend to you.
EXPERIMENT LIKE YOU’RE A CONFUSED CATHOLIC IN A COED SCHOOL FOR THE FIRST TIME
Experimentation is how we figure out who the fuck we are sometimes. How will you discover your true unique style if you don’t go through an awkward leotard or hat phase? The same often applies to lifting and exercise.
I’ve done lots of stupid exercises. I really wish I had a video of the time I did shoulder raises standing on a Bosu ball. Seriously (if you’re not sure why that’s funny, ask me, I will explain. See above).
Experimentation was how I discovered I liked barbell training.
Experimentation is how I went through said leotard phase.
Experimentation is what’s gotten me into most of the cool shit (and dumb shit) I get to do now. Is Intermittent Fasting effective? I dunno, try it (it was effective for me to help learn to eat more consciously as well as develop better eating habits). Does taking cold showers increase your mental discipline? I dunno, try it (I did that for a month, it sucked, but I felt like a bad mofo after). Will this strength program be a good fit for you? TRY IT.
I’m not the first person to say this, nor will I be the last: STOP OVER ANALYZING AND GO TRY SOMETHING NEW. It might become the new love of your life (Hi, Strongman!).
GET COMFORTABLE FEELING AWKWARD/SILLY/UNCOMFORTABLE
Oooh yeah, this is the sweet spot. Here’s the thing. For lots and lots of people, new shit is TERRIFYING. Your brain is all “What in the Heck is THIS?” and you’re so self-conscious that you can’t properly be present in actually doing whatever the hell it is. It’s very weird and stressful. But I have good news for you – that is true of literally almost everyone.
So if you can accept that it’s going to feel strange, accept that you will fell self conscious, and realize that that means you are LEARNING, then you will reap great rewards. As far as I’m concerned, the fear of looking silly or awkward is a cancerous leech that will suck the life out of you and prevent you from discovering unimaginable joys.
Accept awkward, accept the silly, it’s okay.
CELEBRATE DAT BODY
Your body can do a lot of crazy, amazing shit. Really. Yes, YOUR BODY. Maybe you don’t know it yet, maybe you do. I’m discovering new shit all the time (experimentation!); sometimes it doesn’t go great (I feel silly) but I realize that’s okay. It is a indescribably incredible thing, your body. And mine. And I am so so so so so so SO DAMN GRATEFUL to it. I hope you are too.
Whether you’re a newbie and have literally JUST started on your wellness/fitness/strength journey, or an advanced intermediate, or Marisa Inda (hey gurl!), it’s never a waste of energy to invest in activities or modalities that make your body feel good and either make it stronger (train!), let it have fun (drum dancing class!), or help it recover (a 90 minute massage!).
THE BOTTOM LINE (Heh, “bottom”)
Your body (ie, you) deserves respect, love, health, and the physical skills to thrive throughout your life (fitness!). There is way more to be gained by living in honor of your body than there is by being afraid of being uncomfortable.
So: ask questions, experiment, realize that comfort isn’t all that, and celebrate celebrate celebrate.
[Header image credit Kyle Herbert Photography, Train Strongman’s Mid-Atlantic Strongman Challenge in Charlotte, NC.]
It’s gonna be Not Fun. You’re going to think things like, “Wow, I’m an uncoordinated potato person who clearly has existed thus far based on luck alone,” or, “I am a shame to my ancestors,” and “Can I die now please?”
It’s okay, really. Beginning a new physical skill and fitness regimen, ESPECIALLY when you are in poor shape, is really, really hard.
And guess what? It doesn’t get easier, exactly. You get tougher, you get smarter, you become stronger, and hard work becomes a habit that doesn’t threaten you as much.
When you’re weak, it’s easy to feel the exertion and the pain and the effort and think “this sucks, I’m done,” because you would rather opt out of the difficult task than face uncomfortable truths about yourself that, maybe, threaten your ideas of who you are. It’s not fun or sexy or badass to feel your own weakness. But it is a crucial part of any kind of growth process.
It’s a mistake to look at someone who is at the pinnacle of their sport and think “Wow, it’s so easy for them, they’re so good at it…they must be gifted.” It is SO easy to look at someone strong and skilled and dismiss them as “gifted,” because it protects your ego and excuses you from taking responsibility for your fitness/skill/etc.
They might be more genetically presupposed to be good at that particular thing, and yes, everyone has different skills or abilities that they are more likely to be good at, but to be REALLY good at something, no matter what it is, you have to work really diligently and intensely. This takes incredible focus. And it’s REALLY, hard.
Cultivating a physical (or non physical) discipline that routinely challenges you is hard, but that is what makes it so empowering when you progress. You confront limiting ideas of yourself, you deconstruct your ego, and you grow.
It doesn’t get easier — but you adapt, and become stronger, tougher, more informed about yourself and more capable of meeting new challenges.
I remember the beginning, it was rough.
And it’s still rough, a lot of the time. But now I expect that, and I know how much better it can make me because I have the proof of my body, my skills, and most importantly, my attitude.
Chest pains. Nausea. Body shakes. You dread working out, because this is what it means to you. Total exhaustion and PAIN.
You avoid working out, because working out means pain. UNBEARABLE pain.
But this isn’t what working feels like. That’s what being out of shape feels like.
Don’t get me wrong, an effective workout should often be challenging and uncomfortable, but once you are in good shape, those challenges FEEL different. Your body, now accustomed to hard work, relishes the opportunity to push. A hard workout, while still painful at times, is not excruciating.
I swear I recently read a blog or a Facebook post that quipped something like “You don’t hate exercise, you hate being out of shape.” If I did read that, I cannot for the life of me remember where, so if you’re reading this and you know who wrote that, please message me so I may properly credit them for inspiring THIS post. Moving on.
When you are out of shape – that is, have low aerobic endurance and are generally weak, your body almost perceives physical effort as a terrible threat.
Exercise hurts and is totally overwhelming.
It kinda feels like you’re dying.
That’s not normal. But is is normal if you are out of shape and have just started exercise. It’s not very encouraging, is it?
Let’s call this the Beginner’s Gauntlet. And the Beginner’s Gauntlet comes with more than just with physical pain.
A decently able bodied adult without injuries or significantly limiting physical handicaps should be able to get their heart rate up, plank, row, deadlift around their own body weight, and pick up and carry at least half their body weight in each hand. You should be able to balance on one foot for 10 seconds (according to His Excellence, Dan John). You should be able to perform body weight squats. You should be able to exercise relatively uninterrupted for at least 20 minutes.
These are not super high standards either – and if it sounds like they are, then I think you know what you need to do.
But how do you get past the Beginner’s Gauntlet?
Well, the first thing is acceptance. Accept that it’s GOING to suck a little bit, especially at first.
Realize that you are up to it. A few weeks or months of physical discomfort is not going to kill you.
Realize that it WILL END. This part is important – when we first start exercising, and we are in this Beginner’s Gauntlet still, we think Oh god, it’s always gonna like this. This SUCKS. Why do people do this? NOT WORTH IT. And then we quit. And we continue to feel like shit. And nothing changes.
I have a friend who recently has started training under my guidance, and we recently discussed some of the potential negatives that discourage beginners early on in the training process, and one thing stuck out to me:
The idea that you should already be good at it and you clearly just aren’t cut out for hard physical work. This is wrong. Our body are living adaptations at work and we actually crave physical challenge. If we didn’t, strength training wouldn’t work. We just have to stick with exercise long enough to remind it that this is a good thing.
But again, the Beginner’s Gauntlet is REALLY hard to get through, especially when combined with any number of mental barriers blocking you from working out (low body confidence, exercise knowledge anxiety, fear of being mocked at the gym, and on and on). I am no psychologist, so I won’t try to pinpoint what exactly makes it difficult aside from the physical “It feels like shit a lot,” but I will give examples from my own experience.
My attitude towards exercise is often reflective of my attitude toward my ability to overcome obstacles, AND the level of respect I have for my body.
When I don’t think I am capable or strong, I start to fail, I start to give up. When I feel self-loathing and don’t treat myself with respect and love, I start to abuse my body through neglect. “I hate my body, I’m too weak” — this is a horrible kind of internal warfare, sadly likely familiar to many.
Sometimes, sometimes that attitude can get you in the door to the gym…but it won’t keep you there. SO what is the antidote to hate, even hate for oneself? Here it comes, and you know it’s cheesy AND true;
Self. Fucking. LOVE.
And that can be fucking hard to muster. Sometimes it’s not there at all. This doesn’t make you a failure, it just means you’re a human being and you contain multitudes of highs and lows. Sometimes that love for yourself can be manifested as love for other people. If you don’t feel that love for yourself, maybe it can sound like “I want to be healthy and capable for my partner who loves me,” or “My community that needs me,” — you get the idea.
Love for yourself will keep you in the gym. Love will also give you the courage to fail, which you’re going to need, because you are going to fail, a lot. And that IS A GOOD THING. Because then you will realize that failure really doesn’t kill you – failure is an opportunity to get better.
In the gym, failure is an absolute necessity. In fact, I would say that the gym is one place where failure is IMPERATIVE. if you’re not failing or feeling like you are at some point, you’re wasting your time.
How long does the Beginner’s Gauntlet last? Well, it depends on how frequently you commit to exercising and how challenging that exercise. is, and how out of shape you are. There are tons of variables.
But it WILL END. And one day it you’ll wake up, go to the gym, and realize mid workout that you didn’t have to talk yourself into going. You went because you wanted to. You’re a little out of breath, but now you enjoy it. You take pride in it.
Listen, not everything in this blog will apply to every beginner. But everything in this blog DID apply to me, and if I felt these things, other people did too.
The Beginner’s Gauntlet is tough. But one thing is certain – if you keep at it, you WILL get through it, you WILL get better, and you might just even learn to love exercise. You might just learn that it’s one of your favorite things. I know, I was shocked too.
When you want to give up, stop trying and leave it to someone else, but you handle it.
We are capable of so much more than we realize, but sometimes when we work on setting personal goals, we think “Oh that’s probably too tough for me,” or “I’ll just give up eventually anyway,”
We forget all those thousands of moments when you didn’t have a choice, because it was your job or your money one the line, or someone depending on you, or a crisis and you just reacted, and even though you didn’t want to and you were scared and tired, you just handled it.
Why can’t we trust that when it comes to our own goals and our personal desires, we can handle it?
Why can’t we trust that we do have the power to handle our aspirations and the challenges they bring?
Probably because they ARE SO BIG.
It’s scary when we want something big.
And if we’re scared of it, we give ourselves the option to back out – to avoid failure, and to quit before we even start.
When the Goal is SO BIG that you can’t even wrap your brain around the How To, it makes it really easy to quit. Here are some concepts that helped me out a lot.
How do we apply that “This Is Not Optional, I WILL Succeed,” attitude that sometimes occurs naturally when we are at work or helping a loved one, to our personal goals? How do we make huge goals easier to start actually striving for?
One part of it could be in changing how we think about and prioritize our goals. If you are trying to change your body, or your career, or your habits, it takes a LOT of focus, focus that is easily robbed from us by work, friends, and the constant distractions of social media and entertainment. It’s not that ANY of these things are inherently bad, but we have to acknowledge how freely we give away our attention and thus our willpower.
When we give away our energy/willpower, it’s really easy to feel like we can’t handle it.
We lose ourselves in distractions all day, and then in the evening when we are idly dreaming about what we really want to be doing or have, we think “I’m too tired, I can’t achieve anything, I can’t handle it,” when really, you’re just wiped out. You can handle it. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, or even simple.
Something that I, and I’m sure many others, struggle with is prioritizing activity. There is not necessarily a Best Way to Do This, but just thinking about how you schedule your day is a great start. If you have a job with downtime, maybe there are ways you can utilize your free time better.
For example, as a personal trainer, sometimes I have an hour between clients. Am I writing? Am I responding to emails? Or am I mindlessly scrolling Facebook? Deciding what to do with those free windows AHEAD of time has been really helpful in at least keeping me mindful of what I am doing.
You should see my Google Cal, it’s ridiculous — I started scheduling those free windows. At the very least, I’ll get a reminder on my phone that reminds me of what I said would be doing.
Big goals are usually intimidating, and the more you are emotionally invested in them, the harder they can be to actually start. That fear of failure is SO REAL. Make it easier on yourself to start, and dial them back a little.
Breaking down your goals into smaller, bite size and manageable steps really helps. If that goal is “Being in Athlete Shape” and having ripped abs and defined muscles and superhuman endurance, or “writing a best-seller novel” or “Curing cancer”, then yeah, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Maybe that “Grand Goal” (as Chris Duffin of Kabuki Strength calls them) can temporarily be:
“I want to work out twice a week consistently,”
and then even that can break down into
“Put my gym clothes on at 6 pm the second I walk in the door,”
and then that becomes
“Lay my gym clothes out before I leave for work so they are there staring at me when I come home and want to lay down,”
Noticing a pattern?
Break things down. Make them digestible. Make them actionable.
Make them something you know you can handle. Accomplishing something for yourself that you said you would do, no matter how small, builds confidence in yourself that you can do what you say you want to do.
This allows you to slowly build your goals bigger and bigger, all the while handling them with confidence and energy.
Action builds confidence. Give yourself lots of bite-sized very doable actions, and before you know it, you will build the willpower and guts to get after those Big Goals.
Get after your goals – you can handle it.
Big shout-out to my training client Jenna who’s use of the phrase “Handle it,” inspired this post.
There are hard days. And then there are days where you feel like the universe has conspired for no particular reason to utterly upend your shit. Be grateful for these days. Greet these days begrudgingly but with an affirmative nod. Because sometimes they’re the days that have something really important to teach you. And sometimes they have come just to remind you what you’re working for.
I had a training day like this recently. It was like in a scifi movie where the heroes are being attacked by an alien ship and the captain’s like “Return fire!” and the weapons guy is like “We can’t, they’ve blown off our cannons!” and then the cap is like “Well then raise the back-up shields, we are getting clobbered!” and the crusty engineer is like “No can do, they’ve disabled our power converters!” And then you think everyone is going to die and it’s really tense, but then some deus ex machina or cleverly established earlier plot point comes along and saves the day.
My training day was like that except there was no cleverly established earlier plot point to save me. “Fire the biceps! No? What about my traps? Fried? Gods dammit, Apollo!” and so on. There was no positive thinking my way into a more powerful workout, there was no more technique to fall back on, I was tapped.
I was taken by surprise; my workouts earlier in the week were solid, and I felt fast, powerful and strong. That day was the opposite. I struggled. My body felt like I’d never touched a weight or run or pressed or pulled.
And my internal mantra was “just get through it,”
And when I did finally get through it, I was totally spent and very proud of myself. I felt that I just exercised something deeper inside of me that had nothing to do with how physically strong I was, but had something more to do with personal grit, and with the mind I will need to have when I find myself in hard situations, whether in competition or in life.
I’m not proud of the fact that I felt like shit even at the start of the workout. Running yourself into the ground on purpose because it’s the “Beastmode” thing to do isn’t smart or admirable. But I am proud of what I mentally kept choosing while in the midst of a hard session. Our willpower is being constantly tested by the minutiae of our lives, and I embrace fiercely a moment where I can make my will stretch on my terms, to choose something hard that totally belongs to me and ultimately is going to make me better.
This is not unique to strength training or Strongman, though that is my medium. The training of willpower, cultivating personal discipline, has become so much more than a way to help me be healthier and more productive. It has become a way for me to meet myself.
When I decide, or am forced, to do something difficult, I do not fear it the way I used to, because I have grown to trust myself through my discipline. I am less of an uncertainty, I am less of a question to myself.
When I experience hard days like this, I remind myself what I’m made of, and I remind myself what I have been building all those hours in the gym. My body, yes. But also something deeper and just as important.
Now, sometimes the stress outweighs the benefit. Talking about it later with my boyfriend, he pointed out that “You know, it’s okay to just stop and go home sometimes.” In this case I am happy with what I took from the workout (including a plan to increase my caloric intake, heyyooo), but next time I’m struggling, I will make sure I stop and really ask myself if it’s worth it. I think this is especially important for strength athletes for safety reasons. Pushing yourself to such exhaustion that you injure yourself is clearly no good.
But if your day, training or otherwise is really hard and you have to dig a little deeper to get through, make sure you thank yourself and acknowledge what that digging means.
It means you’re strong and you keep getting stronger.
I’ve decided to make the 15th and the 30th/31st my post deadlines, and as the rest of my weekend (Strongman Competition! Weigh ins! Steak! Early bedtime! The Glamour of it all!) promises to be exciting and hectic, I’m posting this now. Thank you to everyone who read the earlier drafts and gave me notes.
This topic hardly applies to just Millenials, that is just the particular lens I’m looking through at the moment. Enjoy!
Ordinary Greatness: How Discipline Builds Us
I hear a lot of people my age defiantly proclaiming their mediocrity, their worthlessness, and their worst qualities. “I don’t have any complex relationships or endeavors that demand anything more of me than showing up and getting drunk! Fuck you if you don’t like it!” This young person has very little personal discipline. Maybe they have some lofty ambitions, but ultimately their day-to-day existence is a wreck. I suspect there are a lot of reasons for this. Lack of spiritual direction, unclear principles, and the general confusion that has been heaped on my generation by well meaning parents and a mainstream culture that idolizes celebrity over actual achievement. We want to anesthetize ourselves to our lack of impressiveness and our burdens. We’re not the future Senators and Nobel winners our proud parents told us we could be and in fact, we’re struggling, so we’re incredibly let down by ourselves and have collectively spiraled into apathy, self-indulgence, and general insufferableness. We seem to have conflated being ordinary with being useless let-downs. How do we get our heads out of our asses? First we must realize that personal Greatness is one of the keys to fulfillment, and that the path to that Greatness may be much simpler than we imagined.
I am not attempting to pile onto the “Millennials are lazy” diatribe. I am a Millennial, and I take neither pride nor injury in saying so. It’s just when I was born. And what I grew up with was a mainstream way of thinking that values fame, profit, and materialism as the highest markers of success. So we’ve come to conflate our lack of Big Deal-ness to mean failure, and this could not be less true. That is a trap of the ego and is a destructive force. We forget that greatness is achieved by hard work, that hard work is often boring, and that greatness can be unrecognized. Personal Greatness can be simple, and it comes from personal development. So if being acclaimed is a goal, that’s fine, but finding the greatness in your own life first, without outside validation, is a process of discipline and discovery that will ultimately lead to more personal joy and fulfillment than striking rich or famous in your field/world overnight.
Ordinary can be incredible, and we need to redefine what “greatness” means if we want to save ourselves. We want to be the Best in our fields, but we can’t even be the best at doing dishes. We want to be the best at Big Things, but we often can’t even master small ones. What business do I have wanting to be a GREAT Strongwoman/Writer/Trainer/Performer etc if I can’t even be great at doing dishes, or writing a tiny bit every day or managing my schedule? How can I say I have so much to offer the world when I can’t muster a smile for the person selling me my morning coffee, or hold the door for someone, or ask my roommate how their day was? And these require mostly minimal effort, I’m not even talking about the type of personal charity that really demands time and energy.
Excellence in small things leads to excellence in all things. Many societies throughout recorded history have recognized this principle – that in order to do well in life, you must put all of your attention in EVERYTHING you do, not just the things that strike your fancy. This concept seems lost in America, with the few exceptions of perhaps some serving in our military and anyone who watched Karate Kid and took it really seriously. Think of any martial arts movie you’ve ever seen. There’s always the impatient student who wants to be a Badass right NOW, and there is the wise teacher who teaches that student that first they must conquer themselves through seemingly mundane tasks. They must conquer themselves through discipline.
Manage your expectations of yourself and put your attention where it matters – sometimes the ordinary road IS the road to excellence. You want to get in shape? Get stronger? Get promoted? Get ahead in general? That’s awesome. And the work is deceptively simple, it is hard because it is CONSISTENCY in a world full of distractions. If discipline were easy, everyone would be Great. What are the actual steps for achieving your goals? Examine those steps. Think about what it would take to reach them. Do you have the discipline to get to the gym as much as you need to? To write every day? Maybe you don’t, not yet. So how can you cultivate that discipline? There are many ways, and it’s important to start small. Make a decision to do one thing every-day (that isn’t something you already do, like brush your teeth). Decide to make it as essential as brushing your teeth. Do it for a month. Even if it’s really boring. When that month is over, you will feel accomplished. You will feel proud of yourself. Perhaps you continue that task. Or pick a new one. Have your friends hold you accountable. Cultivating discipline takes time, it takes effort, and remember, you are literally training your brain to be able to see things through. This is a skill.
I mentioned Personal Greatness before. That means more than just accomplishing your goals. It means creating value in yourself, and thus value in the things you do – this creates a positive ripple effect in the world. What brings joy, peace, and prosperity? PERSONAL greatness. And this is ultimately where I believe our focus should be. Are you greatly kind? Are you greatly compassionate? Are you greatly wise? Are you greatly analytical? These are the qualities that are gifts to cultivate in a scary chaotic world. But this scary chaotic world is equally beautiful and overwhelmingly prosperous in the right hands. It seems that a lot of the time the world is in the hands of violent, uncaring, capricious, greedy people. So how do we take it back for ourselves? By blacking out drunk? Or by committing to cultivating personal values and habits that contribute to both a better personal whole as well as communal whole?
Developing Personal Greatness doesn’t have to mean unsubscribing from Netflix, cancelling all your brunch plans, or giving all your money away to charity. It doesn’t mean your life completely changes overnight. It starts much smaller than that, and that is perhaps what makes personal greatness so difficult. You won’t get a bunch of pats on the back or hearts or “Likes” or re-blogs. There is no guaranteed reward in anything but the doing. And ultimately, your own regard and belief in yourself has to be enough. You will hold yourself captive waiting for something outside of you to give you meaning and validation. We’re all going to die, and when I die I want to say I lived my life well. I lived it with joy, compassion, enthusiasm, discipline, and with Greatness.